|I'm going to hell for this, aren't I?
||[Jan. 21st, 2006|07:11 pm]
(3-5 second pause)
TS: "Is this John Palmer?"
J: "Who's asking and what's you're business?"
TS: "We're (nameless company) and we're opening up a branch in Seattle"
J: "I'm so very happy for you; economic expansion benefits us all!"
TS: "We would like to give you $300 in gift certificates for this."
J: "Well... I don't know if that's a good idea."
TS: "Don't you want it?"
J: "Well... You're planning to kill me, aren't you?"
J: "I've seen your cars following me around and the black helicopters you send when I've evaded the cars! You're trying to kill me, right?"
TS: (slightly more weirded out pause)
J: "This is a setup, right? Lure me in with $300, and the *bang!*, shoot me in the head and leave me dead in a ditch! Would it be too much to ask to kill me in the privacy of my own bedroom? Of course it would be! Dead in a ditch! That's your way, isn't it?"
TS: (pause that can only mean "what the *fuck* is going on here?")
J: "Well, you'd better not try it! I have super powers, you know!"
At this point, the phone gets picked up by TS's supervisor.
Alas, if only I knew that my phone call hadn't been "monitored or recorded for quality assurance purposes", I'd have immediately started talking normally. "A problem? What are you talking about a problem? I was asking him about your business model, and where the store was planning to open, and then he just stopped talking to me!"
I suppose, for the common good, I should get my phone on the "do not call" list ASAP... or at least not answer my phone when I'm in a very strange mood.