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First, plenty of new updates at LongHairedWeirdo, (I've been… - John [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
John

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[Oct. 29th, 2006|09:46 pm]
John
First, plenty of new updates at LongHairedWeirdo, (I've been averaging near, or better than, one post a day there!) and a brand spanking new profile as well. (Don't get any ideas; it doesn't have anything to do with actual spanking.)

Wow... it's been a full few weeks.

First off, be warned: from the 11th of November until the 18th, it is absolutely certain that aliens will be invading Philadelphia, because they know that I'm stuck here in Washington. They hope to increase my grief by threatening my family when I'm not there to protect them. There is absolutely no way on God's green earth that I have any hope in Hell of getting to Philadelphia from the 11th to the 18th, curse those evil alien invaders.

(Please let me know if you need a better translation sent over a more secure channel.)

In other news, my refrigerator died this week. (Maintenance performed a minor resurrection; I'm not sure if I trust it.) I took that as a final sign that it was time for me to start my semi-Atkins diet again, since all the foods I'd been using up were spoiled (or too risky to eat). (I also lost about 8 pounds of chicken, two pounds of buffalo burgers, and 3 pounds of turkey burgers. Don't ask me why I interpreted the sign this way, it was *my* sign, *not* yours!).

Why do I say "semi-Atkins"? Well, I probably eat more salad than Atkins calls for; I'm not avoiding some shredded carrot or a few extra tomatoes on that salad; I'm not giving up a good splash of milk in my tea, and if I keep losing weight, I'm going to keep sweetening that tea with honey. But I'm otherwise doing my best to eliminate sugars, starches, and most other carbohydrate from my diet. I picked up a few last items for a pre-Atkins 'binge' (two boxes of frozen pizza, and about 8 macintosh apples), but other than that, everything is semi-Atkins friendly.

I got to finish of my Scottish oatmeal this weekend (the only non-perishable non-Atkins food that I normally eat) and it's one of the things I'll miss. Scottish oatmeal is ground oats, not rolled oats, and it comes out with a consistency not unlike cream of wheat, except cream of wheat isn't whole grain, and Scottish oatmeal is.

Speaking of which, I also heard one of the best comebacks ever with regards to this. An Englishman comes upon a Scotsman cooking oat cakes. "Phah!" the Englishmen scorns. "In England, oats are eaten by horses, not men!". The Scotsman nodded. "Aye," he agreed. "And that's why England's known for her horses, and Scotland's known for her men!"

Anyway... refrigerator failures, trip planning, and other stressors conspired to keep me from being able to consider visiting kightp this week, which is a shame... especially since I'm on call next week, and won't be able to visit then, either, unless something big changes. And, of course, the next weekened, I'll be too upset, because of the aliens invading Philadelphia, when I'm not there to protect them. (lblanchard, if they come your way, they can sometimes be stunned with extremely corny knock-knock jokes. If that doesn't work, try explaining HTML; they'll assume you're describing the Senate's parlimentarian rules - silly aliens think one set of excruciatingly exacting standards is just like another - and try to follow along. By the time you get to the properties of cascading style sheets, I'm sure *some* enterprising youngster will have stolen the hubcaps - actually the reactor controls for their inertialess drives - from their landing pods, and they'll be helpless, and end up becoming cab drivers, thus blending into the native population seamlessly.)

(And if that doesn't work, show them any recent debate from C-Span; explain that, yes, the Democrats and the Republicans are talking about *exactly the same thing*. Once the enormity of that sinks in, the alien's heads are sure to explode, so make sure you have plenty of rags, and rubber gloves. Alien brains are like nuclear energy: they can be used for good, and evil. And, you don't want to get any on you.)

Be well, all... I haven't been keeping up well, but I've been thinking of you all.
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: kightp
2006-10-29 10:41 pm (UTC)
Boy, those aliens are gonna have a field day while you're "not" in Philadelphia. Gosh darn it. (-:
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[User Picture]From: glinda_w
2006-10-30 07:14 am (UTC)
now I'm confused as to catsitting...

clarification for my poor semi-functioning brain would be appreciated :)
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[User Picture]From: johnpalmer
2006-10-30 07:28 am (UTC)
Um... wink wink - if I were *NOT* in Philadelphia when the ALIENS WHO CAN BLEEDING WELL READ LIVEJOURNAL were to attack, then I COULDN'T BLOODY WELL DEFEND AGAINST THE ATTACK, could I?

And, alas, here I am (wink wink) foolishly *IN WASHINGTON*, *NOT IN PHILADELPHIA* when they invade. Oh, and alas, who shall protect Philadelphia from the evil invaders? Why surely NO ONE WILL, because I WILL NOT BE THERE TO DEFEND THE CITY OF MY BIRTH!

The aliens are undoubtedly plotting terrible things, like the descration of all pretzel bakeries and befouling of all Cheez Whiz factories!

And *I WILL NOT BE THERE*! CURSE YOU ALIENS, I WILL DEFINITELY NOT BE THERE FROM THE 11th to the 18th!
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[User Picture]From: glinda_w
2006-10-30 07:45 am (UTC)
Oh. of *course*. Sorry I was so slow. :)

*giggle*
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[User Picture]From: kightp
2006-10-30 07:28 am (UTC)
I think it's safe to say the cat-sitting plan is on. Just don't tell the aliens. (-:
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[User Picture]From: glinda_w
2006-10-30 07:47 am (UTC)
Of course not. Nor should I ask that a laser pointer be left in a conspicuous place, for the delectation of Chibi and Skitty, since I alas won't be ...

argh. can't frivol at this level tonight, too migrainish, but it's sure fun to watch :)
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[User Picture]From: lblanchard
2006-10-29 11:33 pm (UTC)
The aliens invading Philadelphia will have to fend for themselves that week because I'll probably be completely involved in getting my mother placed and settled in a nursing home.
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[User Picture]From: karenkay
2006-10-30 03:13 am (UTC)
Oh, dear. I hope this works out well for her.
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[User Picture]From: johnpalmer
2006-10-30 07:26 am (UTC)
Oh, hell and damnation... I'm sorry.

(And I think I remember hearing that was happening, so I'm sorry for the joking)

My mom works in nursing for long term care; would it do any good to ask if she knows any places to avoid? Or is there anything else I can do?
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[User Picture]From: kyra_ojosverdes
2006-10-29 11:57 pm (UTC)
Cheese.

Because it fights back.
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[User Picture]From: barbarakitten_t
2006-10-30 05:36 pm (UTC)
of course you know that if you are NOT in philadephia, i get to root for the Aliens... it's like rooting for the Cards even though I am not a fan, just because they are in the World Series (which was not in Philadelphia either...)
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