|Thank heaven for light therapy
||[Oct. 1st, 2009|11:15 pm]
Yesterday, I was in a really bad state. Everything was going horribly wrong, and everything I did was wrong. Everyone who cared about me was clearly being fooled by my innocuous exterior, and would soon realize what a terrible mistake they'd made.|
No. I know what anxiety and depression are like, so I knew that these weren't honest thoughts of a brain making a reasonable appraisal. But when they popped into my head, they *felt* real.
This is what makes depression (and anxiety, and other stuff) so dangerous and so insidious... it mucks with your perceptions.
I was mostly okay yesterday, but I was not relishing the thought of having to keep fighting those random ugly thoughts. It takes too much engagement, it takes too much conscious effort, and isn't the 25th time of reminding yourself that you're not toxic about the time when it just gets easier to stop reminding yourself?
Today...whew. I realized there hasn't been enough light, and started using my SAD light. And tonight, I'm back to normal. Well, normal for me. Which, well, you know.
So I'm cautiously optimistic. I think the potential crisis was averted. And, if any of my local friends are feeling awful, consider the absence of the sun... it can be surprising how fast, and how hard, SAD can hit.