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Thank heaven for light therapy - John [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
John

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Thank heaven for light therapy [Oct. 1st, 2009|11:15 pm]
John
Yesterday, I was in a really bad state. Everything was going horribly wrong, and everything I did was wrong. Everyone who cared about me was clearly being fooled by my innocuous exterior, and would soon realize what a terrible mistake they'd made.

Really?

No. I know what anxiety and depression are like, so I knew that these weren't honest thoughts of a brain making a reasonable appraisal. But when they popped into my head, they *felt* real.

This is what makes depression (and anxiety, and other stuff) so dangerous and so insidious... it mucks with your perceptions.

I was mostly okay yesterday, but I was not relishing the thought of having to keep fighting those random ugly thoughts. It takes too much engagement, it takes too much conscious effort, and isn't the 25th time of reminding yourself that you're not toxic about the time when it just gets easier to stop reminding yourself?

Today...whew. I realized there hasn't been enough light, and started using my SAD light. And tonight, I'm back to normal. Well, normal for me. Which, well, you know.

So I'm cautiously optimistic. I think the potential crisis was averted. And, if any of my local friends are feeling awful, consider the absence of the sun... it can be surprising how fast, and how hard, SAD can hit.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: dandelion_diva
2009-10-02 09:53 am (UTC)
Me too! I turned my light on for the first time this season. Which started like, last week, but you get my drift. :)

Good on both of us for figuring it out before it became huge. :)
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[User Picture]From: johnpalmer
2009-10-05 02:50 pm (UTC)
Chuckle; yes, definitely better to nip it in the bud. (Which sounds vaguely perverse, I suppose :-) .)
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[User Picture]From: 64tbird
2009-10-02 12:51 pm (UTC)
Love you.

Trust you.

Believe in you.

Tracy
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[User Picture]From: johnpalmer
2009-10-05 02:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you - and warm hugs sent.
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[User Picture]From: ljgeoff
2009-10-02 02:15 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Glad that you figured it out! I haven't tried a SAD light, but I'm thinking of it -- October is usually a rough month for me, but then I steady out.
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[User Picture]From: johnpalmer
2009-10-05 02:51 pm (UTC)
Nod. If October alone is usually bad and things get better (even as it gets darker), then it's probably not SAD. But I've heard it said that good, bright light can help if you're working nights, as well.
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[User Picture]From: ftemery
2009-10-02 02:19 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the reminder. Nothing sounds like fun except taking a nap.
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[User Picture]From: johnpalmer
2009-10-05 02:52 pm (UTC)
You're definitely welcome - I know that feeling ("nothing sounds like fun except taking a nap") and it's awful.
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[User Picture]From: kightp
2009-10-02 06:11 pm (UTC)
Yay for the SAD light! In a geeky way, I think it's utterly cool that something as simple as MORE LIGHT can have such a profound effect on mood.
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[User Picture]From: johnpalmer
2009-10-05 02:53 pm (UTC)
Nod. It's kind of strange, but I reckon we evolved without being shut up in buildings with nothing but (pretty darn dim) artificial light, so it's not that surprising. Our bodies expect sunlight.
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[User Picture]From: edschweppe
2009-10-02 08:52 pm (UTC)
What make/model of light are you using? (Asks the guy considering getting one for himself.)
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[User Picture]From: johnpalmer
2009-10-05 02:49 pm (UTC)
I'm using the SADelite, from http://www.NorthernLightTechnologies.com.

I like it, but I might have purchased the Flamingo if I'd thought about it; the Flamingo has a floor stand, and thus can be placed more easily.
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[User Picture]From: johnpalmer
2009-10-05 05:17 pm (UTC)
Thank you - and your good wishes are very much returned; I hope things are going well for you.
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[User Picture]From: merlin_t_wizard
2009-10-04 12:45 am (UTC)
John, would that be "Abi" normal? (G,D, and Rs)
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[User Picture]From: johnpalmer
2009-10-06 03:47 am (UTC)
No, I think my co-worker Abi would find that really confusing :-). (If you ever saw the two of us together, you'd understand how funny *that* thought is :-).)

(I must confess, I had to resort to Google Microsoft Bing to get any ideas of which possible abi/normal you might mean, and I'm still not entirely sure.)
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[User Picture]From: merlin_t_wizard
2009-10-08 02:31 am (UTC)
Oh sorry about that. The reference is in the Movie "Young Frankenstein". See this clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQ_pKqiB5Rg&feature=related
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