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Happy birthday to me... - John [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
John

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Happy birthday to me... [Sep. 19th, 2014|10:24 am]
John
So, my birthday was good, the day after was pretty good, the weekend after was okay - and I fell off a cliff somewhere, and I'm not sure if I'm climbing upward or not.

Once again, I've got a lot of variables going on. Had a surprisingly stressful (though very brief) encounter with an ex, my carbohydrates ticked up a bit (so it might be loss of ketogenesis), and other stresses popped in.

Depression is really bad this week, but in a decent kind of way. I'm feeling things and sometimes very intensely, and I haven't fallen into tired numbness.

Emotional energy is a bit risky, I think, if I have TLE, because it seems that emotional states can trigger problems. But *staying* emotional means I haven't triggered anything bad enough to make me tired and numb.

So: I'm trying to stay positive about that and look on the bright side. But it's not easy, and OMG have I been having a lot of "I just want to make it all stop! I'm tired of this!" thoughts.

At least I'll have answers to some of this, *if* my insurance ever gets through. It hasn't yet. But I'm also having a bit of "No, I don't want the testing, what if it comes back negative?" Which is silly, but I will admit, I am more than a bit nervous about that.

Hm. And now, the eternal quandary of the depressed poster: "I have nothing much to share in my life that's not a statement that things aren't much better, why should I post this?" But it's a good sign if I can write and post anything, so I think I will.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: bkwrrm_tx
2014-09-20 09:46 am (UTC)
Happy birthday! /throws streamers and confetti all over your LJ/

I know the 'but my life sucks, so why would anyone want to read about it' problem. I'm glad you posted, though, or I wouldn't have known it was your birthday and I'd not have been able to do this...

***BIG KISSES AND HUGS***
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[User Picture]From: elainegrey
2014-09-20 02:11 pm (UTC)
"The eternal quandary of the depressed poster," ah yes. I'm glad you wrote, glad to have a chance to hold your news in my heart -- in the Light, as we Quakers say.

US health "care": how long is it going to take to get to just and equitable access to care?
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[User Picture]From: ftemery
2014-09-20 10:03 pm (UTC)
Well if nothing else at Least I no long feel that old 'I'm the only one' thing, so thanks for that. My page here is still messed up and hard to work with, but I have Facebook and that's better for me. I can post only a line or two and I can almost always find some small thing to be happy about. Some times it's ONLY small things but hey, I'll take that too. Physically I've had all my little gang of demons acting up.
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[User Picture]From: phoenixpdx
2014-09-22 10:58 pm (UTC)
*hugs* and glad you posted. Sent you an email early last week, and have been booked solid since then. Feel free to call or email if you'd like to connect...happy to listen if you need someone to listen and sympathize; happy to talk to you in any event... *kissandhug*
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