||[Feb. 4th, 2015|10:07 am]
So, two Fridays back, I realized that everyone hated me and considered my contributions to their lives to be worthless and puerile and why was I really continuing to go through the motions? |
So, yeah, I went back on antidepressants. And did not mentally flip the bird to my doctors, screaming "Now *that* is depression!!"... more than a dozen times.
(Not quite fair to my doctors. My GP believes me. My other doctors are less clueful. But they also haven't known me as long.)
Perhaps not purely due to chance coincidence, I realized I was starting a cold the next day.
I'm now going through the final steps: using preparations to reduce ear wax so my head can *finally* drain. See, when you're sick, the gunk can turn to ear wax. And if your ears are easily blocked (like mine) that can slow down your recovery by leaving you blocked up. I just wish I'd thought of this before last weekend when inner ear issues were showing up. (Not an infection - just pressure. That's *enough*, trust me!)
On day 12, I'm mostly done coughing and my head no longer feels quite so stuffed.
I've discovered that the CPAP is very disturbing when one is congested. I bought a wedge pillow (two feet long, rising by 1 foot over that length. Which I keep wanting to think is 30 degrees, but that would be if the length of the hypotenuse was 2 feet. It's actually between 26 and 27 degrees, ATAN(.5) *180/pi in degrees). The pillow works better than the CPAP right now. I keep trying the CPAP with and without the wedge, but I'm starting to wonder if the wedge is just better.
I'm sure that's not possible, because a wedge pillow is cheap, and a CPAP runs a couple grand.
I'm sorry - that's cynical, and I know I have some dear friends who are wondrously helped by a CPAP. It's just each night I've used it, it seems to make my sleep more disturbed. And the wedge pillow seems to give me less disturbed sleep, and lets me breathe without effort when I lie down - with the CPAP, breathing is a noticeable effort. And I can't combine them - the wedge breaks the seal of the air mask.
It's even more complicated because I have a very deviated septum and my sleep doc says fixing it won't help - and I don't know if that's True, Because SCIENCE (measurements taken during the sleep lab), or if it's "hah! Like you, a mere patient, could question my prescription!"
I don't know. But I do know if I lie down on normal pillows, I feel congested, and the left side feels blocked up (due to the deviated septum) with or without the CPAP. If I use the wedge, I don't feel blocked up. But that's the point of apnea - people don't remember feeling short of oxygen while sleeping.
And, of course, I've also had a cold for nearly 2 weeks... sometimes my life is a ridiculous confluence of confounding variables.
So: onward to more experimentation.
On the plus side, my boss is fine with me working from home while sick, so that's made life a bit easier.
Other than these items, there's not much I remember of life these past couple weeks. I hope life has been treating all of you better!
 See, technically, if things are "coincidence" it just means they happen together - most people use the term "coincidence" to refer to "chance coincidence". Yeah, pedantic, but it got burned into me at some odd time, and now I can't shake it.