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While I'm still too tired to have any fits of despair... - John [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
John

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While I'm still too tired to have any fits of despair... [Mar. 27th, 2016|11:09 am]
John
Medical testing came up blank. And I picked up the cold-from-hell. I'm not the only person - my cube-wall has been referencing it, something that migrates to your lungs and then stays there. Just this morning - four weeks since I first showed symptoms? - I had more lung-coughing that wasn't quite unproductive but wasn't quite productive either.

This is driving me buggy, because whatever cold I have, my body should have its number and viruses should be getting served up cold, on toast. But I'm not the only person who isn't feeling 100% recovered after way-too-damn-long.

But when I'm too exhausted to have any real emotional reactions, I'm also too exhausted to have any huge, wailing-and-gnashing-of-teeth episodes of despair. Just the ordinary, day to day stuff, which I can mostly handle.

You know - without having to ask - that it's been an unusually busy time, right? So I've been doing a lot of work, pulling the normal "more than 40 billable hours in a week" for the past few weeks, right?

But I've also been too tired to talk to my boss about this. And next week, I'm out in Texas for training. Microsoft now has a special on-boarding training for all support engineers (and other folks too - all parts of the services team) and one of the things they go over is forging a career path. So, that's a good thing. I'm hoping I can learn what a person can do with fatigue issues holding them back. I might end up having to take a shot at management positions. It might not be as much fun as being a troubleshooter, but it might be what I can do for a living.

And who knows? It might not be boring management - it might be leading a technical team and helping them actually solve problems. So I have to keep pushing for more information, and not despairing because my first two months at work are ending in a really bad, exhausted, and almost-despairing state :-).

(Yes, that's a smiley. I have a real sense of humor about this. But you wouldn't see it today. There's a joke about how it takes more muscles to frown than to smile, but it takes none at all to have a completely blank expression....)
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