||[Jun. 21st, 2003|11:21 pm]
Well I would like to say that this would be very quick update, but there's been too much going on my life to do anything quick about updating people.|
OK, last week I reported here that my apartment had been robbed, and I also mentioned that I had an exam to take the next day. The exam went fairly well, given that I was under a lot of stress, and it was making my already aching muscles ache even more. (Since the muscles are at joints, specifically, my hip and my knee, having those things ache is a bit of a problem, because it's hard to avoid using them.)
I do have to admit, I will never forgive Microsoft for having exams where they will ask you survey questions before telling you whether or not you've passed the exam. However, in this case, they told me that I did pass the exam, so I can't hold it against them... at least not for too long.
So, anyway, I figured in that I had passed the core MCDBA exams, and I thought that I could use that to pad out my résumé a little bit. But, apparently, it wouldn't be quite proper to do that. My best guess is that I managed to pick up an elective, while getting my MCSE. Microsoft has sent me a congratulatory e-mail telling me that I have my MCDBA. So much for bragging about just having the core completed!
Of course I didn't know this when I went down to visit Pat to celebrate, so for all I know, she's learning about this right now. (I can't remember if I happen to mentioned in an e-mail to her.)
While I was down there, I have to admit that I did a good bit of griping (which she didn't mind, and, in fact, encouraged) about the little things that affected me from the theft. It wasn't until after the visit that really sunk in what the biggest effect was.
As I mentioned, the thieves stole my briefcase, which included all of my meds. Now, part of my mood was undoubtedly caused by stress. I've now been unemployed for longer than I've been since I left high school. I worked this summer of my senior year, and I always had work-study, and I went to OSU, where I had a teaching associateship. And, of course, completing a major goal is a source of stress, after a fashion. (Generally, psych-folks consider stress to be anything that has a major effect on your life, good or bad.) Plus, completing a major project can put you at loose ends, because you used to know exactly what you would do each day, but now you don't really have an idea.
So, stress played a major role I'm sure. I was in a blank state emotionally...anhedonia and general tiredness/sleepiness. It's a little bit distressing, because I'm realizing that I'm still a lot more - I hate to use this word, but it's pretty accurate - dependent on my drugs that I would like to be.
I suppose the worst part of it is that I had Adderall, which is an ADD med, but didn't have my Wellbutrin. I guess a part of me would rather be pure-ADD, rather than thinking that I need a medication to fight off depression effects. At the same time, I was being careful with my Adderall, and not taking as much as I might, if all of my extra hadn't been stolen. Some days I need more, and some days I need less, so I always liked to have a small surplus, but right now I have exactly as much as I need. If I'm having a really bad day, it's best if I have plenty of Adderall to take. I tend to be a little bit nervous about not having enough Adderall for a bad day, so, if I don't have a surplus, I tend to take less than I need until I've built up a few extra.
Still, I think that over the last two years, I've made a lot of changes in my life, and I would really like to believe that I've gotten well enough that I don't need to be on meds all the time. (Honestly, I don't really need to be on meds all the time, any more than someone who is not in excruciating pain doesn't need pain meds all the time. However, just like that person in pain, I'm not at my best, and I don't like it, when I don't have my meds.)
Ah, well, that's life.
Now, however, I do have all of my meds, and there's even a little bit more good news. Two days back, I was able to go bike riding, and I didn't have any pain when I was doing that. I also did my physical therapy exercises, and I think that may have been a bit of overload. Yesterday, I had some minor hip twinges - my hip was cramping up for a long time, until I was put on a muscle relaxant, and even after that, I had to rest it for a few weeks. ("A few weeks" may actually have been only two, but it seems like it has taken a long, long time.)
Well, today, I wasn't having any aches at all, so I went out jogging. I actually ended jogging early, because I felt the minorest of pains in my knee, and since my knee had given me so much trouble, for so long, I didn't want to take any chances with it. I figured that I would go out walking, and I did that for about five minutes, before noticing a bit of rubbish around.
Today is one of the high holy days for Wiccans, and one of my favorite ways for prepping for ritual is to do some cleanup that will help the local wildlife, be it plant or animal. On my way home to get a plastic bag, I picked up a little bit of litter (mostly plastics, because I don't worry about paper, and I'm less worried about unbroken bottles) and I dumped that in the dumpster near my apartment. As I went into my apartment, I thought that someone had broken some bottles on the sidewalk. Well, this was a nifty chance to a service for both the local wildlife (mostly ducks, cats, dogs, and geese) and for the non-wildlife: people, especially young children.
I found a plastic bag, and I swept up the broken glass, and dumped it in the bag. Then I went out litter collecting until I filled the bag. It was a sizable bag, and it was a good bit of work to get it full, but, after a bit more than an hour, including the 15 minutes or so of my initial jogging, I finally managed to do it.
I also took a walk in the woods that are near my apartment complex. They're not very deep (a much deeper than any I had known in Columbus or in Philadelphia), but it was nice to be walking around in the woods.
I think that by the time I was done with everything, I ended up getting about an hour and a half of exercise, which was a lot more than I would have gotten from 20 minutes of jogging. So, I suppose that all worked out well.
When I got home, I started working on my job search, and I guess they feel a little bit better about it right now. Part of that, I'm sure, is that I'm back on my meds, but doing these kinds of things, little bits of purposeful service to nature, usually helps me feel more connected to myself.
I don't think that I got too many job applications put in, but I did manage to browse through many advertisements, and that's part of the process. Some people suggest that you should apply for jobs that you know that you are not qualified for, figuring that it's the employers responsibility to decide they don't want you, not your responsibility. Me, I don't mind applying if I'm kind of close to what the company is advertising for, but especially in a very tight market, I don't think I'm doing anyone any good by adding one more résumé to be thrown out. If the market was a little less tight, I probably would send in resumes, even if the job was one that I was not even remotely qualified for. But, I imagine that right now, most human resources people are trying to cut down the number of candidates, not trying to find bright new talent serendipitously.
I think that in most important part of my starting to put in a good number of new job applications, is that I no longer have quite the same feeling of flailing away uselessly. I think that tomorrow I will be able to scan enough job advertisements that I will feel that I've done what I can, at least for the next day or two. Then I can stop job hunting for a day or two, do some other studying (or maybe some housework), and then get back to job hunting.
OK, what else is there in my life right now that I haven't told you about already?
Well, I may, or may not, have mentioned that I'm lifting weights right now. That's heavily on my mind, because, in addition to the exercise I got for my leg's, I did a good bit of weightlifting today. If you're guessing that the reason this is on my mind right now, is that my muscles are starting to ache, you're pretty good guesser.
However, it's only my upper body muscles that are taking seriously right now. I have had one more twinge in my hip, but that was quickly controlled, and hasn't bothered me since. I'm just little bit nervous about how I'm going to feel tomorrow.
(By the way, for those of you who don't exercise regularly, the worst thing about this kind of situation is that I need to work out again, lightly, tomorrow. Otherwise, I'm risking being very, very stiff the day after tomorrow. When I say "work out lightly", well, if I was aching like this because I had done 30 push-ups, I would probably want to make sure I did at least ten the next day. Probably no more than that, because it would be even worse to overdo it, but doing nothing else that next day, has always been worse for me.)
Anyway, I think this pretty much catches you out to all of the interesting news in the past week or so, though I know that I still owe some replies to comments on my posting about morality. I hope to get to that tomorrow, assuming that job hunting doesn't keep me busy all day. As silly as it sounds, I was going to start doing replies to the comments last Wednesday... and, again, things went a little crazy around then.