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I'm going to hell for this, aren't I? - John [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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I'm going to hell for this, aren't I? [Jan. 21st, 2006|07:11 pm]

(3-5 second pause)
J: "Hello!"
TS: "Is this John Palmer?"
J: "Who's asking and what's you're business?"
TS: "We're (nameless company) and we're opening up a branch in Seattle"
J: "I'm so very happy for you; economic expansion benefits us all!"
TS: "We would like to give you $300 in gift certificates for this."
J: "Well... I don't know if that's a good idea."
TS: "Don't you want it?"
J: "Well... You're planning to kill me, aren't you?"
TS: (pause)
J: "I've seen your cars following me around and the black helicopters you send when I've evaded the cars! You're trying to kill me, right?"
TS: (slightly more weirded out pause)
J: "This is a setup, right? Lure me in with $300, and the *bang!*, shoot me in the head and leave me dead in a ditch! Would it be too much to ask to kill me in the privacy of my own bedroom? Of course it would be! Dead in a ditch! That's your way, isn't it?"
TS: (pause that can only mean "what the *fuck* is going on here?")
J: "Well, you'd better not try it! I have super powers, you know!"
At this point, the phone gets picked up by TS's supervisor.

Alas, if only I knew that my phone call hadn't been "monitored or recorded for quality assurance purposes", I'd have immediately started talking normally. "A problem? What are you talking about a problem? I was asking him about your business model, and where the store was planning to open, and then he just stopped talking to me!"

I suppose, for the common good, I should get my phone on the "do not call" list ASAP... or at least not answer my phone when I'm in a very strange mood.

[User Picture]From: pagawne
2006-01-22 03:52 am (UTC)
John, you are indeed a wicked and evil man, no wonder we all love you.
You have no idea how much I would have porefered a call like that to too many of the horribly obscene one I had to cope with. So often the only thing I could say was to calmly point out they were repeating themselves and then hang up.
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[User Picture]From: lblanchard
2006-01-22 03:54 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....heh....[wipes eyes, catches breath]

Well done.
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From: kightp
2006-01-22 04:09 am (UTC)

What, you didn't get a chance to bring in the chickens?
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[User Picture]From: calpatine
2006-01-22 04:09 am (UTC)
You are my hero.
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[User Picture]From: tsjafo
2006-01-22 04:38 am (UTC)
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From: sagittaria
2006-01-22 05:26 am (UTC)
Nicely done!
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[User Picture]From: blackthornglade
2006-01-22 06:25 am (UTC)
You ware a wicked, evil man.

That's why we love you. *cackles*

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[User Picture]From: kyra_ojosverdes
2006-01-22 10:13 am (UTC)
Oh, that is a thing of beauty.

The Do Not Call list has done much to keep my heart rate regular, given my fear of the (home) telephone and the fact that I jump a mile every time the damned thing rings.
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[User Picture]From: surelars
2006-01-22 11:23 am (UTC)

Oh, and it reminds me again that it really is a good thing that blind commercial calls to a private residence are illegal here. Now, if only we could have the poll'sters outlawed, too.
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[User Picture]From: janetmiles
2006-01-22 01:07 pm (UTC)
"I'm so very happy for you; economic expansion benefits us all!"

*falls over laughing*

*gets back up to type*

Have you read Acts of Gord? If not, you should.
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[User Picture]From: callahanshappy
2006-01-22 06:36 pm (UTC)
Very wicked!

One of my friends checks the phone number of the caller before picking up. If it is unlisted or he doesn't recognize the number, he starts out with "Mormon Missionaries of Ohio. Thank you for calling and giving me a chance to testify. Blah, Blah, Blah ..." until the supervisor steps in to rescue the caller.
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[User Picture]From: siliconivy
2006-01-22 08:18 pm (UTC)
::dies laughing::

THANK YOU for adding a wonderful bright spot to my day. You are wonderfully evil!
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[User Picture]From: grey_lady
2006-01-22 10:12 pm (UTC)
After an incredibly stressful weekend, I reduced my husband to hysterical laughter reading this to him. Thanks! :-)
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From: razordemon
2006-01-22 11:06 pm (UTC)
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