||[Oct. 26th, 2010|12:55 pm]
Skitty wasn't exactly a companion. I was her protector - she needed one, and I wouldn't hand that duty off to anyone. I was the only one I knew she trusted - and she didn't trust me all *that* much. I might want to give her medicine, or trim her nails, or, when she's wandering in the awful, scary, outside world, grab her, and yank her back to the safety of our home.
But she mostly trusted me; she knew that if she wanted "down", she'd (usually) get put down, and if someone needed to pick her up, better me than someone else. And, hey, I was the supplier of the cat food, and the producer of the Great Water Bubble Monster, and sometimes, a warm body to lay on top of on a chilly night.
And I protected an itty bitty kitty from the dangers of a harsh world.
Last night, I was able to spoon-feed her some baby food. The tumor had made it so she could only lick sideways; she was drooling a lot, and soaking her mouth frequently. She was still present - she was still Skitty - but she was awfully tired.
I wasn't sure she'd last the night. But she did.
I made myself some eggs with cheese for breakfast. She was (barely) able to leap up to a chair, and then to the table, to get some. I kept her away until I'd eaten my half (remember, constantly drooling...), and then chopped them up as fine as I could, and pushed the plate to her.
She couldn't eat anything. She may have gotten a few tiny scraps down. She was hungry; she was trying; but now, I could no longer protect her from hunger.
I'm not sure I had to take her to the vet today. How do you know how a cat processes hunger when cancer is swiftly killing her? But, yesterday, I could try to protect her from the worst ravages of the disease, I could still feel I was helping. And this morning, I realized I'd protected her all I could.
I took her to the vet, asked them to sedate her first, let her relax from the car ride, and then, to give her final release from suffering.
And if there's an fair afterlife, she's now in a place with many crafty, cozy hiding places - but nothing to hide from. A place with great heights to scale, and many feats of daring to perform, with nothing to move, and startle a surprisingly-scaredy-cat. A place with bubbling brooks and waterfalls, and evil water bubble monsters, and laser pointers, and soft coats on the backs of couches.
And a few trusted guardians, to watch over tiny kitties, and keep them safe from harm.