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Complicated news [Jun. 23rd, 2012|07:23 pm]
So... the good news, with beta blockers, I can run harder and faster than before.

The bad news is that on 25mg, I get somewhat wiped after exercise, and on 50mg of beta blockers, I don't - I just get somewhat wiped from the beta blockers.

I'm on 25mg, and I've managed to do two relatively hard workouts (including another 30 minutes at 6mph), so I guess that's where I'm stuck for now.

The good news is, I've started losing weight again, and instead of bouncing between 225 and 235, I think I hit an honest 225 today. Since weight loss (in my case - where I have a lot of visceral fat to lose to see if that improves my health and sugar control) is what I most need right now, that's good.

The bad is, I'm more aware of losing time and energy, and becoming more and more upset by it.

Losing time - you know, like, when you wake up at 8, and think if you can do X by noon, it'll be good, and next thing you know, it's after noon, and you didn't get *anything* done? When a 15 minute run to the grocery store seems so awful that you don't do it until the next day, and in the interim, you feel like an idiot for not having made the grocery run when you had the bleeding chance?

The good news is, I'm an old hand at being depressed. The bad news is, I know that, right now, part of my depression is caused by my choices. If I don't work out hard on a day, I'll feel better. Sometimes I'll feel *good*. But right now, I'm afraid of that. If I let myself get seduced by feeling good, I might not be willing to make the sacrifice again.

It's not even been six months - not for another week. So, I have to hold out at least that long. But I have decided that I have to - *have to* - hold myself to no more than 30 minutes at 6 miles an hour, unless and until it becomes *comfortable*. Because the stupidest joke of all would be making myself miserable by continuing to push myself harder and harder, hoping for a breakthrough, and missing it entirely.

[User Picture]From: laurarey
2012-06-24 02:43 am (UTC)
Hang in there. I totally get the "feeling good" and not continuing to push. It gets me quite often.

I want you to know that you have inspired me. I'm actually on a walking program now. (I can't run anymore because of the disk removal in my back.)

And dealing with my own sugar issues. I'm not diabetic (yet), but can see that it is a distinct possibility if I don't make some changes now.

I've started a blog. If you want to read my progress reports, drop me an email and I'll send you the link. (laura.rey in the gmail world) I figure you've shared so much with me about your journey that it is only fair you get to see my ups and downs too. :)

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[User Picture]From: ftemery
2012-06-24 05:25 pm (UTC)
But if you do lose a day, just go back to your routines again. Or so I say but can't always do myself. You have some great insights and it's very helpful to me. Got to be balance somewhere in there
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[User Picture]From: johnpalmer
2012-06-25 10:26 pm (UTC)
(I'm sorry, but I have to tease a bit)

HAH! You think I have *routines*!

(Okay, teasing over.)

Really, this is part of the problem... I used to have routines. I could get up, make coffee, make breakfast, go to work, etc.. Now, I don't drink coffee, I can drink tea, but it's not as good (no sugar or honey), I'm not sure if I should eat before or after exercise (it *has* to be before if it has any sugar or grain products), and I only have a few precious hours before work, and exercise means 30 minutes of work, plus 20 minutes of cooling off where, if I put on fresh clothes, I'll sweat right through them, and...

...and anyway, I'm playing it by ear right now, which makes it harder, especially when dealing with persistent tiredness/fogginess.
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[User Picture]From: siliconivy
2012-06-25 02:52 pm (UTC)
losing time ... oh welcome to my world! Interesting, though, I've never correlated it to the beta blockers. I take 100 mg/day (50mg morning & night). I never asked, do they have you on metoprolol or one of the other generics? but I'm glad that being on them has resolved some of your issues with exercise.
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[User Picture]From: johnpalmer
2012-06-25 10:06 pm (UTC)
Well, let me clarify something maybe-important here.

I get depressed - I have all of my life. When that happens, I lose time.

I discovered that (too much?) vigorous exercise makes me depressed (and have other physical symptoms,too), but if I'm going to beat my blood sugar issues completely (rather than just wrestle them to a draw), I *need* vigorous exercise. Nothing less fixes the problems I might be facing.

Now, when I'm depressed-from-exercise, it feels like my heart is underpowered. That's why I felt beta blockers were a good idea; they keep the heart from overexerting itself. But - they also try to make the heart less responsive, too - that's their goal! So, they induce the exact same problems I'm trying to get rid of. So, there's this delicate balancing act I'm playing with. Too little beta blocker, I get the symptoms (but only after exercising), too much, and I get them (most of the time - but exercise doesn't make them as much worse).

So, in my case, I'm pretty sure too-much beta blocker is what's creating depression. I assume it can in other cases, too... a slowed-down heart means a slowed down body. But most people adjust. The trouble is, depression from this kind of tiredness is *very* subtle.
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