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Trying to update more frequently... - John [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
John

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Trying to update more frequently... [Dec. 30th, 2012|06:31 pm]
John
...and not succeeding, but I figured I'd run an update today, now, before I could forget (and it got too late to write, even if I remembered).

So, health updates: Today I ran 35 minutes with the treadmill set to 6.2 miles an hour. I should be able to do a lot more than that, after a year of training, but there have been complications.

My hip issues are nearly resolved (that was one of those complications). I had some incredible tightness in the ileopsoas region - that's the stuff that connects your lower back and your hip (and thigh?). I'm still not well, but today, I realized I was doing stretches that I used to hate, hate, *hate*, and they weren't painful, either while stretching, or while releasing.

I also found that I can do one of my balance exercises (too complicated to describe) 15 times in a row on my left side. When I started, I could do it maybe 4 times in a row if I was lucky, and often ended up doing the balance-dance quite a few times.

Each time I manage to release a bit of my hip issues, I found my stride changing a bit, and this time, I think I feel the insides of my legs doing the work they should, and that's great, but a bit achy :-). I can feel a few tight areas, but I think I've mostly got the same flexibility on my right and left side, now - just, on one side, it feels a bit more stretchy when I use that flexibility.

I'm still battling depression, though I'm at my "winning the fight" stage. The problem is, this is where I usually get stuck - I'm not depressed, but I'm not normal. I do what I have to do, I react to things that must be reacted to, but I don't tend to *act* - and that's not a good way to live. (There are other problems too - no real pleasure or satisfaction in most areas of my life.) This time, I'm making sure I keep up the fight, but it's hard. Meds are one of my primary options right now, and meds take up to 12 weeks *if* you're on the right med. That's not long compared to a lifetime, but it's excruciating when you're fighting to remain present and in the struggle, knowing how easy it is to stop struggling.

See, with most depressed folks, they have someone around who can tell them "you know, I don't think those pills are working" (or, conversely, "you might not have noticed it, but I have - you're doing better"). In my case, I have to notice that. And I have to make sure I don't stop thinking about how I feel so I don't stop short of as much remission as I can hope for. And that means I have to think about how bad I feel, not just whether I'm feeling better. It's... well, it's complicated.

Worst thing is, I'm on a med that shouldn't have a particular side effect - and it seems to be having that side effect, a decidedly unpleasant one. And so the question is, will it pass or not? But regardless of those concerns, I am coping for now.

I'd like to include something more interesting here, but I'm afraid I'm at a loss for that, so I'll leave you with what I have, for now :-).
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