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Still not king. Or dead. Or anything major... - John [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Still not king. Or dead. Or anything major... [Jan. 28th, 2014|10:22 pm]
... But I am learning a bit about dealing with my fatigue issues.

Much though I want to be in denial, sex is dangerous for me. Raises the blood pressure and heart rate and tends to make me feel worse. But I've managed to say "almost well" for a couple weeks now.

Other than that, I've been increasing exercise steadily and it doesn't seem to hurt. I'm not back to jogging yet, but I've done some workouts that my treadmill rates at 10 calories a minute, which, I'm sure you can imagine, is endearing to a number-geek.

What's annoying me right now is, when I imagined myself not being as fatigued, I imagined great and wonderful things, and what have I done since early December? Watch the entire series The Office, and I'm working through Season 4 of Doctor Who.

Does this sound like things are *bad*? It might. You might not understand what I mean by fatigue. When I'm fatigued, I don't have time or energy to watch TV. Everything takes effort and I just don't have time to "waste" watching TV. The notion that I could spend over an hour and a half watching the Office in a single workday used to be like "yeah, and when would I sleep? And would I eat anything, or just mix a whey protein drink? And would I get to work on time?"

So this is really, really good. (Plus, face it, The Office is awesome TV - so human it hurts.)

Work is going... a bit better. I'm still overworked, but it doesn't hurt as much, if I'm avoiding fatigue. And when I'm not fatigued, I'm much more clever. (Did you note that I was watching Doctor Who? Yeah, it infected my language.) So rather than spinning my wheels for three hours, I solve the damn problem in one. And sometimes wonder why the hell no one else noticed the big, glaring issue before I got there.

The good news is, I feel I've proven myself at the job - I'm satisfied with what I have done and what I can do. If the workload is too insane for someone with chronic fatigue issues, okay, it is. I will choose to make my life better by quitting. But I won't feel I'm beaten.

But if all goes well, that's not going to happen. I'm feeling good enough, and confident enough, and having successes enough, that I think I can whip the job into shape.

I'm still reading - well, most of the time. I haven't skipped anything, but I have had to scroll back a lot, and sometimes find myself choosing not to leave little "I hear you, and care about you" responses to posts, because I let them sit too long.

And I still love you all.

(Yeah, even you, that random person who followed some friend of a friend to here - love can be like that. And you *do* matter, even if you're not sure you believe it. Not just to me, but to the world.)

Here's hoping life is treating you well.

[User Picture]From: dandelion_diva
2014-01-29 05:00 am (UTC)
I'm so glad to read that you're feeling so much better. :)
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[User Picture]From: wcg
2014-01-29 10:58 am (UTC)
Thanks for the update. Here's hoping that things will continue to get better.
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