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Dear lord, I hope they find something... - John [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Dear lord, I hope they find something... [Nov. 3rd, 2014|10:15 pm]
Well, in one sense, I'm vindicated.

I've done enough carbohydrate loading that my body couldn't be in ketogenesis. I've been feeling buzzier, and less focused, and after a relatively gentle workout, I had a period of moderate fatigue.

I'm definitely seeing something going on.

I'm also aware that, wow, my symptoms really suck, because I'm finding myself awfully hesitant to do the things I know are likely to trigger them. But I'm doing them. Two modest workouts today, and if the glue holding my electrodes on continues to hold, I plan to push a bit harder over the next few days.

I started this post yesterday night before bed, and I felt like I was pushing the words through a layer of molasses. It gets worse - that's one of the milder aspects of my symptoms. They'd been worse earlier in the day, and they can get a lot worse than that.

It's not that the fatigue makes me stupid, I can see that the words I'm grabbing for are there, but just not coming to mind, and when they do, I'm not sure how they feel any longer. Is this the right tone? Did I miss some crucial connecting thought? Does this all still make sense? It's hard to tell because I can't quite hold the thoughts in my brain well enough to check the connections.

There's no chance that my symptoms aren't real, and no real chance that I haven't latched on to some of the causes. And that's partial vindication to me, as I mentioned.

But when I'm in this state, my mood crashes easily, and I'm filled with the thoughts of how little it matters if I know a lot about my symptoms and how they're triggered if medical science can't find anything wrong that it knows how to fix.